I  literally just left the theater and there is NO time to waste. This will likely be my longest written film review ever so, as I did before this three hour movie, I am stretching and am ready to go!

This film very much takes places in tree pieces: The aftermath, the mission, and the endgame. For the sake of staying organized I will divide this by each act.

THE AFTERMATH

Uh, What?!: The Russo brothers aren’t F#$^##@ around with us! We had no idea going into this movie what it was going to be. Right off the bat, the Avengers assemble, they go find Thanos, and they kill his ass.  Oh, and the Infinity Stones? He destroyed them. DUST. Ummmm ok?

What everyone does after? SULK AND LOSE THEMSELVES FOR FIVE F#$%&#% YEARS!!!!

I was floored by the surprise. Yet, as soon as it was revealed and we see the shots of a world unable to cope with the loss, I was completely on board for the decision. If the story took off just some weeks or even months after the events of Infinity War, the  weight of what happened would be limited. This shows REAL impact from what happened and gives the movie the drama and the preface that it needed to separate it enough from Infinity War so it could have its own identity.

Russo Represent: Anyone who knows me is aware that I have been craving gay representation in superhero movies FOREVER. Though a hero did not emerge in Endgame there was an interesting choice made.

Joe Russo made a cameo in the first act as a fellow citizen struggling to cope with what happened five years ago. He tells the story of a date he went on. A date with a man. He tells his story to the group with no drama and there’s no extra reaction needed. It’s not about his sexuality but about his struggles that are those of everyone around him.

I know that the Russo brothers have expressed that moving forward the future of the MCU will be a much more inclusive one. It seems like not only is that very much the case after seeing this movie, but that he wanted to make the promise more personal by standing in that representation himself. I am grateful for it.

What the Hell is Going on Here: To say Marvel doesn’t take some whacky risks would be a lie. What they chose to do with Thor and Hulk was so bizarre. Bruce in the five year gap found a way to keep the massive power of the Hulk along with his own brilliant intellect. He figured out how to really become the best version of himself! That sets him up for his end.

Also, while on the subject of physical changes… Thor… What in all heavenly f$#%^. I blame this entirely on Thor: Ragnarok. After two meh movies they cracked the code to the character and have decided to lean completely into the comedic element. I was expecting them to use the damn reality stone to make him buff again but no such luck. He is fat until the very end and became the representation for the millennial experience?

I believe Thor survived the film primarily because they HAVE cracked the code on the character. With only one real successful movie under his belt I’m sure they are going to want to cash that comedy act for as long as they can. The decision to put him with the Guardians at the end of the film felt PERFECT. If there was ANYWHERE that his new act would fit, it would be with the franchise that Ragnarok copied to begin with. It’s not shade, it’s just true.

Captain Marvel do you want to HELP?!: Look, we just got a solo Captain Marvel movie and I loved it. It’s on my top ten MCU films (number five to be exact).  To my disappointment though, she comes in to help kill Thanos and then she just does the DIP. She doesn’t even participate in the mission to the past?! I understand the movie wanting to use that mission to focus on the characters that participated in Infinity War but come on!

Also, I had been wondering if the MCU would have the guts to give Carol the traditional Captain Marvel haircut and by JOVE they went for it! Classic sash and classic cut! However, because I’m so F#$^# picky I just wish they left her original suit colors so I could see that intense comic accurate image. I digress.

I know she is going to be heavy moving forward so maybe that is why they limited her (especially in that final fight scene only coming in halfway through?!) but I wish she was more of a constant presence. Again, I digress. I know this is about the OG six and their journey. Speaking of that journey…

THE MISSION

A Love Letter: As soon as it was figured out that the team would be heading to the past to find the Infinity Stones there was no doubt that it would be a second act dedicated to tipping the hat to the past eleven years. Not only that, but it provided more meat to some of our characters.

Tony getting the closure with his father (pretty much confirming his death), Steve seeing agent Carter (confirming he will never be able to let the past go), and a friendship put to an impossible goodbye.

I will be honest, this felt like mostly an hour of fan service that I didn’t need. DON’T HIT ME!

It was a trip down memory lane that had it’s crucial moments but  for the most part it wasn’t necessarily something I’m going to need to see over and over.

Goodnight Stan. We’ll Try: We know this was the final cameo for Stan Lee. I am sad about his passing but in a couple ways, doesn’t this seem like the perfect place to be his last? It ends eleven years of films and he leaves us with a funny yet impactful message, “Make peace not war”. Though we never wanted to see him go, if this is where we say our last goodbye, I’m more than content with it.

The Black Widow: The biggest takeaway from the second act has to be the first goodbye of the movie. The Black Widow gives her life in order to acquire the soul stone. I thought it was going to be Hawkeye because, no offense, who cares! Yet in the grand scheme of things, the man on a mission to get his family back and the fate of Ironman put together would equal a fairly depressing end if it were indeed him falling off that cliff.

Natasha didn’t have a life. Her life was her job and her purpose was the mission. However… They gave Ironman this giant sendoff and Natasha didn’t get DICK. Also, Hulk?! Like, you’re not more upset? It’s really all Hawkeye?

I know she will have a solo film coming out (that will no doubt take place in the past) but Black Widow never really had a story/ character arc. Her death really made that clear. There were no loose ends other than her relationship with Bruce and he didn’t really seem too phased. Sure, he chucked a bench but I don’t know. It was  a “meh” end to a relationship.

I repeat, I didn’t totally need the second act. It was fun! I had tons of laughs. Yet it didn’t have the impact of the first act nor the nerd explosion of the third. Speaking of the third…

THE ENDGAME

Avengers Assemble, You’ve Earned It: There is no doubt nor discussion that the final battle scene is the most epic thing in a comic cook movie ever shown. I’m sorry, I don’t care if you’re team DC over Marvel. That was just objectively spectacular. Seeing the fallen Avengers return then having all those magic portals open was F#$^&$#^ incredible. I got chills.

This was a battle scene like NO OTHER!! Watching those eleven years of films come together was just… damn. Sidenote- Doctor Strange… If you could open all those fucking portals, especially one that brought you from Thanos’ home world back to earth in a second, why didn’t you do that shit when you were heading there? Or why didn’t you do it when- oh forget it.

Ok Ladies Now Let’s Get in Formation!!:  That scene where you got all the female MCU characters marching was the moment I almost yelled at the top of my lungs in that theater. Some might say, “alright here we go with the feminism bullshit”. I say F#$^# you!

The thing about this moment is that it’s not out of nowhere. If anything, it is a reminder that the MCU since it’s beginning has been showcasing powerful female characters. Seeing them all lineup and march to kick some ass is nothing different that what they’ve been doing over eleven years.

They have just as much at stake, they have lost just as much, and they CLEARLY have just as much punch as they boys. An image like that I need framed and I am so happy for young boys and girls who get  to see it.

My sadness here is that Scarlet (Black Widow) couldn’t be the one leading the charge. She was the OG after all!

The OG Six and Their Bows: As said earlier, Thor is no doubt  safe now that Marvel has figured out how to profit off the character. He will certainly return for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. 

Though Hawkeye survived, I really do feel that this was his final bow. He retired, he has his family back, and I just don’t see fans having that much emotional investment in him.

Hulk… Hm… Well he obviously survived and as too been given an ending. Being the Hulk was his curse and he has healed that! He has his conclusion. Yes, alone, but conclusion nonetheless. I don’t think we’ve seen the last of him. Where he will pop up again I don’t know but I have a feeling Banner will return.

This thing started with Ironman so there was no doubt that it had to end with him. I didn’t cry! I was surprised. I think because I always felt this is how it had to be. Tony Stark needed to go. Not because he was not liked. He needed to go because his story came to an end. He got out of the game and had five years with Pepper and his daughter. He got a conclusion. He saved everyone.

I suspected his fate back in Spiderman: Homecoming. There was something very Mufasa and Simba about their dynamic. Spiderman has ALWAYS been the true face of Marvel. In 2008 there was no way for that character to be the center piece because of Sony. Now that there is this space and Tony’s story naturally has come to an end, I see his passing as a passing of the baton.

I will forever appreciate how Pepper said goodbye. She knew he was dying and chose to make the final moment about assuring him. You saved us all, we’re going to be ok. You can rest now. 

As for Steve, this came as no surprise either. As soon Tony figured out time travel I mumbled, bye Steve. He never assimilated to the present! He was always a fish out of water. Him and Natasha at the beginning of the movie confirmed that they did not have lives! Their lives were always their missions. Well, mission accomplished.

Though… Your best friend Bucky was from your time too. You didn’t want to take him with you? Give him a shot to live his life as always intended? I mean… just saying…

Ultimately, he passed on the shield to Sam which put a big smile on my face.

I could write forever about this movie! Yet I will leave it there. This is THE comic book movie. It filled me with hope that we as a country- as a planet can do better. Cheesy? Sorry ya’ll. But I love these characters and these stories 3000. Cheese is all I got.

I give Avengers Endgame five out of five potatoes.