It was announced yesterday that Disney Pixar would not have just one but TWO films releasing in 2020. Unlike their recent streak of films, both projects will be complete originals. The first, Onward, will release in March of 2020 while the second, Soul, does not yet have a release date. What we DO have is the official logo for the film (seen above) as well as a description that reads:

“Ever wonder where your passion, your dreams and your interests come from? What is it that makes you… YOU? In 2020, Pixar Animation Studios takes you on a journey from the streets of New York City to the cosmic realms to discover the answers to life’s most important questions.”

…..What the F*** Pixar! For F***** sake! Is it just me or does every Pixar project feel more and more like a kids movie trojan-horse REALLY designed to expose you to the dark elements of mortality! Need some examples? Here we go.

Up: On a flight to Venezuela I decided to play this little number because I heard the dream of the main characters was to visit Angel Falls in my home country. Cool! I press play and I see two adorable animated kids become friends. Then, those kids grow up and fall in love and get married! More cute! Oh wait… what’s happening? She can’t get pregnant… She’s just sitting in that chair outside… S*** this hurts. Oh! He’s cheering her up! He’s reminding her of their dream to go to Angel Falls!  He finally has the tickets and he’s going to surprise her! Wait… she’s sick…aaaaaaaand I’m sobbing. This F******  movie has barely started.

Then we get to the end where I swear I had to cover my mouth on this damn plane to hide my sobs. You KNOW what scene I’m talking about; he opens the adventure book and finds that she kept putting things in it about their life all along (I swear I’m swelling up just remembering this). To her, everything they did was an adventure. She thanks him at the end of the book and asks him to go have some new ones.

I wasn’t ready for this Pixar… I wasn’t ready to feel this much in front of strangers.

Toy Story 2: The innocent days of cannibal toys and a child blowing them to smithereens are long gone.  The sequel to the iconic film started innocent enough; a classic animated adventure. Until….

Woody approaches Jessie and she expresses why she never wants to have another owner again. Sarah McLachlan, that angelic voiced heart-witch, begins to sing When Somebody Loved Me and we as children weren’t ready.

We see Jessie happy with her owner until  she inevitably  grew up and forgot all about her. It’s the story of a toy yet Pixar is able to use it’s surface-level innocent plot to cut to something profound- the sadness of being forgotten.

Though I haven’t seen the film in a while, I still revisit the song from time to time because I’m human and getting sad on purpose is a low-key hobby.

Toy Story 3:  For. F****. Sake.  It’s a fun toy version of a prison break, there’s Buzz going Spanish mode and it’s hilarious, and there’s Ken and Barbie who are fantastic. The rest of the film? Oh, it features a family of toys inching toward their death in the fires of the inferno while they reach for each other’s hands to accept their horrible fate together. Is that all? Cute, but perhaps not. There’s also the gut wrenching end where we, who were 5-6 years old when we met Andy, get to see him play with Woody and the rest of the toys one LAST time before moving on.

It’s sad for the sake of the characters but as an audience that grew up with them (which Pixar knows) the scene hits extra hard! Andy grew up which meant we did too. It was the perfect ending for a perfectly heartbreaking/funny trilogy… Yet Pixar decided they weren’t done with us and Toy Story 4 is already said to touch on some more existential S***. Whoopie!

Coco: By this point I figured out Pixar’s little formula. I knew I was going to walk into a magical adventure that in REALITY was going to expose me to some REAL s***. I learned my lesson though. SUNGLASSES. I could leave the the theater a blubbering mess and still look cool.

The thing about this movie is that there weren’t just scenes that messed me up- there were LINES. Mostly all of them came from the boy’s dead great (great?) grandmother. When she goes to give him the blessing and says, “you have our blessing- no conditions.” I was DONE. I swear is there male PMS?  I’m struggling to finish this article…

As a latino myself, the concept of family has a HUGE impact. Yes, family means something to all of us, but to see this Latin representation in film had an extra layer for me.

Speaking of family, Miguel finds out the TRUTH about who his (great, great?) grandfather really is and how he passed. Yes, it was murder. Yes, it was his friend. Yes, he never saw his daughter again. Yes, he roamed the afterlife while all those he loved thought he abandoned his family. Perfect kids movie.

Miguel finds out that his relative is not a legendary superstar, but rather a regular man and yet, he is proud of him. UGH! Right in the feels ya’ll!

Inside Out: Bing Bong. “Take her to the moon for me.” The end.  F*** you, Pixar.

There’s no doubt in my mind that I will be sobbing this weekend with Toy Story 4, but hey, it’s partially why we love these film, right?